Awhile back I asked two of my older kids if they would like to have a notebook we could use to talk to each other with. I wanted to try something new and that would appeal to them and me. I have always liked to write and when I was a kid I used to do it a lot more than now. I have bad carpal tunnle and it's hard to write now. But if I take my time and do it slow I can.
So I explained to them how it would work. Each has their own notebook and no one can read it except them and myself. Each kid their own I mean.
In it we can write whatever we want. A story or just ramble on it. When they are done writing, they give it back to me. Then I write back to them. It can be in response to what they wrote or something different. Then I give it back. What we write won't be discussed outside the notebook unless stated in there and agreed on by both people. Sometimes there are things you just can't say out loud or don't want to. Also I do a lot of my thinking when I am alone or at night. This way I can write in it at any point and they can read it when they want to.
I finally wrote in it last night and gave it to them. They had to go to school this morning so they didn't have time to read it. It's going to be a window into my mind and if it works like I want it to, then it will be more like a pen pal thing than mom to kids thing. I don't want them to just see me as a mom. I don't want to not know my kids. Parents out there might know what I mean. You know when you happened to go early to pick them up from school and see your kid the way he is with his friends. Or hear her on the phone and she is different than with you.
I recently watched the series Six Feet Under and one of the main characters says about his dead father that he never really knew him. That he didn't want to someday die and have the people close to him realized they didn't know him at all.
I am not saying to talk about every dark detail you have with your kids, unless you want to. But just let them see you more as a parent and remind them you were once a kid yourself.
I am not sure if this will work but I am going to give it a try. Death is something I think about a lot and I don't want my kids to forget me. I don't want them to know me through others eyes but my own. I want them to hear it from me and know who I was and what I thought and not what others think I did. I want them to know I was the type of person that didn't really hide things but maybe wouldn't talk about things with some people in fear of them reacting badly to my views. I just want them to know me. In the end isn't that what we all want. To be known and still loved for it?
